Decameron Tale #10: In Support of Efficiency


DECAMERON TALES #10     June 28,2020

Rated PG-13 – 

This is in warning to the refined and delicate sensibilities of some of my readers.  I would certainly not want to be the cause of any swooning.

Stopped by the Depot.  Not too long ago that would have referred to the train station.  Now it’s a place to pick up home improvement items.  I was on a quest for large peat cups to start seedlings.  Alas, to no avail.  There is a concern in Litchfield that makes them out of pressed cow manure.  They are quite pricey and frankly the thought of filling them with soil and seeds and watering the whole ensemble doesn’t really interest me.  The obvious solution is pressed paper cups, merely larger versions of egg cartons. 

I’m surprised that Kimberly Clark, always innovative in such matters, hasn’t run with this.  Years ago, they set up a subsidiary, Kimberly Stevens, in the old bleachery in New Milford to make paper dresses.  They never really caught on.  Perhaps they were too expensive or simply an idea whose time had not come.  A local wag volunteered that perhaps women got tired of having table mates lift their hems for use as a napkin.  

Mulling over KC’s failed experiment and paper planters, I was suddenly struck by an epochal idea!  KC had the right notion but the wrong garment:  not paper dresses but pressed paper brassiere cups!  Think of it!  Different colors, some embossed, some printed and even models with strategic cutouts for those frisky moments.  And they are stackable.  They could come in tubes like Pringles.  I was raised in a feminine household and, walking into the bathroom amidst a hanging garden of lingerie, I was well aware of the heartbreak of dingy grey undergarments.  Now there would be no washing, just pitch them into the woodstove or plant seeds in them.  My solution for ….. supportage is equally innovative:  designer duct tape.  Different widths and colors would provide the woman with a daily palette to express her creativity.

And duct tape works amazingly well.  I have some experience here.  Some years ago, I babysat my niece, Lura.  Her mother left me with a cache of diapers while she was gadding about.  At the first changing, the tab came off.  Rather than waste a perfectly serviceable diaper, I used tape.  Worked like a champ!  She did emit a blood-chilling howl later on but youngsters are known to make a fuss over trifles.  Well, perhaps we should revisit the issue of adhesive later.

Our families, Sal’s and mine, have long-standing ties to KC and it seems only fitting that we offer this boon to them.  Sal will organize a PowerPoint presentation and brother Reid will be the point man with the executives.  I daresay it will be the moment of his career with them!  I feel confident that the name O’Brien will remain in corporate KC lore for generations.


About the Author