DECAMERON TALES #7 June 7, 2020
Lockdown lo these many weeks we have all had cause to contemplate what is truly important in our
lives. The trivial concerns of our daily existence pale compared to what really counts such as home
and kin. On the other hand, seemingly minor things are thrown into high relief and are revealed as
very important. As an amateur baker, one of the minor details of life I find I can’t live without is YEAST!!!
For weeks, the stores have been lacking. Once I visited three stores in a futile quest. Someone with a
curmudgeonly personality might have been a bit peckish after the last stop.
I finally broke down and bought prepared pizza dough. At least the package claimed it as dough. When I tried to roll it out, it acted more like the quivering Blob of the named monster movie. No matter how I pressed or stretch it, it returned to its original shape. I’m surprised that the medical profession hasn’t considered using it instead of silicon in cosmetic surgery.
This week, the same result. Not a single yeast fungi to be found in a 20-mile radius. I am not a man of faith, but upon leaving the store, I decided to appeal to HER directly. Fist raised skyward I said:
“As God is my witness, as God is my witness, this will not lick me! I’m going to live through this, and
when it’s over I’ll never be yeast-less again. If I have to lie, cheat, steal or kill, I’ll never be yeast-less
again. As God is my witness!”
As I got into the truck, I was sure that the breeze through the trees murmured a soft amen.
On the way home, I had a sudden thought. The red grapes that I bought were covered with a gray
bloom of yeast. If we still have the Victorian grape peeler, I’ll skin the grapes, add sugar and water
and wait for the bubbly result. The pizza crust will have a lovely burgundy color. Wait, isn’t that the
color of the movie creature? I think I’m on to something here! Cabernet pizza dough! Pizza Hut, eat
your heart out!!
On occasion, prayers are indeed answered.
[Editor’s note: Respect for Yankee ingenuity aside, don’t try this at home. Baker’s yeast is now available on Amazon, so you don’t need to resort to cultivating your own!]